Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Food is my Drug- 'Dear Hungry Me...'

This post is a little different from the norm but I hope you will enjoy it regardless. I'm sure I'm not the only one who struggles with food so I'm sure some of you out there can relate.
I have recently completed a course in comfort eating entitled 'What am I hungry for?' to help bring my relationship with food into balance. I am feeling so much better and comfortable with my food choices- I can recommend it to anyone. You can find the details here.
In my new spirit of harmony and happiness with my food choices I thought I would share with you all a letter I wrote to myself for the times I want to slip back into binge/comfort eating. If you need some more background feel free to read the guest post I wrote for Sarah at Welsh girls eats last year.

Dear Hungry Claire,

Please listen to reason.

It is not worth it. Plain and simple. You know the future, if you give in- this is it: Bulging, swollen, sore, hard stomach, puffy face and abdomen, sickly nausea, sugar headaches, pain so bad you can’t breathe properly and an avalanche of weight gain. 

The sugar/carbs give you hot flushes, burning cheeks and hormonal issues (pimples, pain) and you just don’t feel right. You deserve better than cramps, digestive problems and emotional instability. It’s just not worth it! It takes days and days to get back to normal- you should feel like you can run and jump- do any yoga poses or movements and not have your thoughts consumed by food! 

Sugar is a drug- addictive and deadly, sugar, caffeine and alcohol are in the same league, don’t make it worse for yourself.

The longer you stay on track the easier it will get- I promise. Don’t throw away all your hard work now!!! Think about it, do you really want to start all over again?

Have a cup of tea, get lost in a movie or book, go for a walk and listen to some good music- this will pass. 

Look forward to your next meal/snack, enjoy the crisp freshness of salad and juicy sweetness of fruit, eat some wholegrain carbs, healthy fats and protein to be satisfied. 

Do not feed your emotional hunger- focus on the actual hunger, true hunger- feed that, nourish your body and strengthen your mind. If something is wrong DEAL with it! I promise you can get through this, even in your darkest hours you have the strength to resist and get through this.

Name one time you have not regretted eating too much or eating the wrong things?... Make the right decision. Please.

The loving voice deep inside you,
Claire

In all honesty the amount of time, energy, money, thought and obsession I've spent on unhealthy/negative food makes me sad. The fact that I've been fighting this for longer than I care to remember is somewhat depressing. I've done things I wouldn't do to my worst enemy. I want so much for it never to happen again.
The happiness, freedom and hope I hold onto now comes from reflecting and changing small thoughts and behaviours. The kinder I am to myself the easier it becomes.
I've had yummy high fat and sugar desserts and decadent food in my house for a months now and I have not touched them. I have no desire to eat them. This should make me happy no? It freaks me out. I have what I wanted. I am resisting, I'm feeling like this is the answer and I'm not excited- Why? because it scares the crap out of me. Every time I dare to think I can do it, it all comes crashing down and the self hatred that follows is worse than ever before. To pull myself back up and stand with confidence is something I'm not sure I can do again. So I'm treading lightly and smiling at every good decision I make.
Life and food still holds more challenges than I care to admit but I'm marching forward with a smile in my heart and confidence in my choices. I hope if any of you can relate to my struggles you ask for help, it's out there and can make your life so much easier.
I wish you all the happiness in the world,







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3 comments:

  1. Powerful words, Claire - this is a very brave and inspiring post. You know where you have been and don't want to go back there - "feeding" yourself isn't solely about food, is it? Feeding yourself with love, compassion and understanding is so so important, and the energy you are putting into yourself to heal can only do good things. Good on you :)

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  2. Ok, so I have a little tear in my eye :') is that ok???
    I think its because i can understand SOOOOOOOOOOO much! And I know how hard those feelings/thoughts are!
    And yeah what it is with having the food in the house and resisting it but still feeling bad?!?!? I don't get that but I'm the same. Its almost like its the constant temptation to binge and we're just waiting for the day it will happen hey!!!! ~sigh~
    and (((HUGS)))

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so so much guys. I was worried no one would get it. The constant stress and food thoughts seem to ease the longer I stay 'on track' but when life gets crazy it's just so much harder... You've got to let it out or the binge monster gets you!

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